Has Hiking Ruined You? Are You A Dirtbag Hiker?

Modesty, manners and appearance. Those words resonate politeness, discretion, and dressing appropriately for any occasion. Every day I strive to practice these characteristics that I want to be remembered by. But recently, I have come to the conclusion that this is not always possible. Why? Because I fear hiking has ruined me. It’s ruined my manners, my politeness and certainly the way I dress. It’s turned me into what we hikers affectionately call ourselves ~ dirtbag hiker or hiker trash.

Whenever I am on a long day-hike or a backpacking trip for a week, it’s like flipping a switch in my personal habits. My manners, modesty and appearance pretty much go out the window. My trips usually entail a survival mode so I’m not really too concerned about fashion or being classy. I can dress up pretty good when I want to. But when I’m hiking, there’s a certain type freedom I feel when I get to throw away all the con-

straints that society puts upon us.

I started thinking about some of the ways hiking has ruined me and how it has made it much harder for me to flip that switch. My hair gets tucked up into my baseball cap. Sunscreen takes the place of makeup. Hiking clothes take the place of a nice blouse and high dollar jeans. Boots take the place of my Dansko clogs. I wipe my nose on my sleeve instead of using a tissue. I drop my drawers behind a bush only if there is one available. If not, well, my hiking partners just need to avert their eyes (my poor husband!).

A couple of weeks ago, Dale and I were traveling through SE New Mexico and West Texas. We stopped in Carlsbad, NM for a few nights to visit the Carsbad Caverns NP and to hike up Guadalupe Peak. We pulled into the trailhead parking lot. The lot was filled with quite a few hikers and campers and other tourists just milling around. I still had my jeans on and needed to change into my hiking pants. Without thinking, I jumped out of the car, stripped off my jeans, grabbed my other pants from the backseat and proceeded to put them on in the parking lot, not hiding behind a car door or even aware of the people around me. I had forgotten to flip that little switch from “hiking world” to the “act like a lady world”.

There are numerous other forehead slap moments, but I thought I’d ask my fellow Hike Like A Woman ambassadors for their epiphanies, their moments when they realized they were ruined and had become a Dirtbag Hiker:

Kristin Smeltzer‎ ~ “I think hiking has ruined me!! On the way to work and I thought…not sure if I put deodorant on before heading to work. So I stop at a shop on the way and pick some up. Waiting for my connecting train, in my work gear, and just started putting it on! No filter didn’t even think “

Amanda Lucy Haskins ~ “I came home from camping for a week by myself in Cataloochee, NC. Hadn’t had a bath all week, had been chopping wood, hiking, fishing, building fires, etc. And went to the grocery store on my way home. Smelling like a cave woman and campfire.
Covered in mud, suit, dirt and who knows what else. Didn’t think anything about it until every one started staring at me and smirking. Not to mention I shop in the upscale section of town and it was a Sunday so everyone else had on their “church clothes”. Lol”

Mara, right, and her friend, Lagena, getting coffee and food after a week of being in the wilderness

Mara Kuhn ~ “One of my best friends always worries about how we look and smell after hiking when we go out to eat. And I’m like, “nah, it’s a hiking town
they’ll understand.” He’s a guy and I’m a girl, something backwards about that 😂 But he never wants to go to the “nice” places. I just don’t care. If I saw anyone who knew me, they’d totally know what I was up to anyway”

Gretchen Elizabeth ~ “Hahaha, that’s great! About a month ago I ended up in a fancy restaurant in the middle of nowhere New Mexico. I had just finished hiking the Badlands all day, but was still feeling pretty cute in a mostly black ensemble & flowy white scarf. Unfortunately, the ENTIRE backside of me was coated head to toe in thick, hard, caked on red mud from when I took a brief tumble down the slippery hillside. It was pretty funny to watch the whole dining room double take as I walked on in”

Kathryn Petroff ~ “When I got back home from the CO Trail last fall, I had the whole day to myself without my husband and kids. That’s a rare gem of a moment to

have the house to myself. I was filthy and tired, but all I wanted to do was sit down on the ground and read. I had no motivation to peel my hiking clothes off to take a shower…not even my boots! I just sat there on the hard ground like I was at a campsite. For the next several days all I wanted to eat was my trail food.

It took me a while to readjust to the comforts of home, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it until my husband pointed it out. I’m sure I’ve picked up all kinds
of interesting habits as a hiker, but living in a mountain town, they go unnoticed…it’s the norm here ~ This is a great post idea! Hail to the sweaty, stinky hiking goddesses! ~ Andrew (Kathryn’s husband) said to tell all y’all it’s totally hot when women embrace their hikertrash “

Jennifer Hewitt ~ “I just came off a 4 mile hike, it’s 87 degrees today, I’m hot, I’m literally dripping in sweat, I’m covered from head to toe in a gross suntan lotion/dirt mixture, and I’m sure I smell, but I needed groceries so here I am at the grocery store… and no f*cks are given about how I look or smell because I feel great ~ I love the smell of campfire on my clothes”

Michelle Carner Long ~ “I think, for me, I’ve kinda always been this way in some ways. I’ve never had much personal modesty. My motto “If they ain’t seen it yet, it time they did”. I’ve never been super girly, so I’ve never really dressed to impress. Though I’ve still wanted to look pretty. Age, has taken care or that vanity.

There’s no denying the graying hair, loose, sagging skin and body parts. Facebook has been incredibly helpful in letting go of vanity. I purposely put up and let stay tagged unflattering photos of myself. Aging is hard enough without being all hung up in it. As for being dirty, stinky and messy from the trail. I love it. No need to primp and tidy myself before seeing the public. As Jennifer said, I have no f#$%s to give. It’s really freeing. I too, sometimes stay in my nasty clothes once I’m home. Relishing the feeling of a job well done”

Tina M. Lanciault ~ “we were backpacking for 7 days in WY one year (about 6 of us) and we had just come off the trail, dirty and smelly after not taking a shower for seven days. We first thought we should go to our hotel and shower first before going to get something to eat. I was so hungry, all I could think about was eating a bacon cheeseburger and fries. We stood around for a few minutes and said “screw it” let’s eat and drink we can get showers later. So into the first restaurant we saw. Some people looked at us funny but I must say those where the best tasting french fries I ever had and I didn’t care then what anyone thought and I still don’t today after a day on the trail. I love coming home from a backpacking trip or camping trip and still smelling the campfire on my coat or jacket. I guess we’re all HIKER TRASH I love it!!!”

Ardeen Duckworth ~ “I love that, how the need to eat – and eat ALL THE FOOD – trumps everything else. I’m the same, I feel like Pigpen from Charlie Brown tromping into the restaurant, but nothing will stop me! And inside my head I am, to be honest, pretty righteous as I look at the lovely dressed up ladies and think of how hardcore I feel. And yeah, the waft of campfire out of the coat closet a few days later is the best!!”

ChuckandLorna Radcliff ~ Hiking or backpacking in Florida is just a hot, sweaty and stinky experience. I personally don’t glisten like most ladies ~

– heck no I sweat buckets in all the awkward places. My pants always look like I peed them, my back is drenched, my pits are huge circles of sweat, and my hair will be drenched. In fact, I put the hair up in a hat from the go, wear black hiking pants to camo the sweat but nothing covers or masks the unmistakable smell of sweat after a day or two of hiking without a shower. Last backpacking trip my hiking pants were literally ringing wet with sweat. I was hoping I had sweat my butt off, but it was still back there. I wear my sweat, dirt and stench with pride! This Grandma gets out there – that’s all that matters to me.

Lisa Munniksma ~ I prefer “dirtbag hiker” to “hiker trash,” but I identify either way. As a farmer, too, I am always meeting friends in town for a beer or just going to the grocery store and running into people looking a wreck–no one even bothers asking anymore.

In the end, I think it goes back to the basic fact that hikers don’t care what others look like – we are all equal on the trail. But when society rears its ugly head, all the stares and negativity start to flow. I cherish my dirty nails, crazy hair and sweaty clothes – granted there is a time and place for it – but, it’s a sweat and dirt earned from hard work and massive enjoyment. We are all ruined…. and that’s not a bad thing! And don’t forget to flip that switch!

And, yes, I can clean up when I need to!

Every Now and Then, It’s Okay to Not Have An Epic Adventure

Sometimes an adventure may come in a different shape and size other than what we think it should be…

I was so excited about the upcoming President’s Day weekend ~ that translated into a 4-day holiday weekend for Dale and I. OOOOOOOO!!!!! Where should we go? What should we do? How far to we want to travel? When should we leave? Thursday night after work or Friday morning bright and early? Should we take our camper or stay in a motel? Do we go to a National Park or State Park? Should we plan to go fishing? Do we take our side-by-side or just hike? The upcoming weekend is ripe for adventure!! The possibilities are endless!! We started our planning on the Tuesday before the weekend.

I mentioned to Dale, let’s go north to Curt Gowdy State Park in Wyoming. We had always wanted to go there and check out their reservoirs and numerous trails. It’s only about a 4.5 hour drive from us. And we have friends in Laramie a half hour away whom we could visit. Perfect! Wait. It’s the middle of Feb. Even though the water is still frozen, the trails might be dry. Then there is the horrific wind we have to deal with. Hmmm. I’ll sit and stew on that one a bit.

Let’s go west! We could take our camper to Goblin Valley State Park in UT. It’s only a 4 hour drive. It’s in the desert and we could take our camper and go hiking. Checked on campsite availability ~ nada. All full.

Goblin Valley State Park.png — Goblin Valley State Park, Utah

Okay….. Change of direction. Let’s go south! Once we cross the southern border of Colorado, the weather should be nicer (although, our winter here in Meeker has been pretty nice so far). We could drive to Mexican Hat in the southern part of Utah, almost to the Arizona border, and hang out at Goosenecks State Park overlooking the San Juan River. It’s only a 5.5 hour (gulp!) drive south through the mountains. Then there’s always the possibility of a random snowstorm. We’d have our camper and would be pulling our trailer with our side-by-side on board (double-gulp!).

goosenecks-state-park — Gooseneck State Park on the San Juan River

Throughout the week, Dale and I tossed around these ideas. Why was it so hard to make a decision? I even asked my friends on Facebook which of the above mentioned places would they prefer to go? My sister said to come visit her in Arizona. My friend said to come visit her in Laramie and another said she liked Goosenecks. I think the rest of my friends were hanging in the shadows and didn’t want to interfere with our selection process.

As Friday morning rolled around, we found out that we were needed to work at the local artisans cooperative as no one had signed up for that day. So we spent Friday working, talking with customers, doing book work and making native Aspen wood coasters with turquoise inlay. A very fun and productive day.

On Saturday morning, we woke up to a nasty weather forecast for the southern part of the state and into the northern part of Arizona and New Mexico. There goes our trip south. The wind was still in the forecast for Wyoming ~ it always is, no surprise there, so there goes our trip north. We were contemplating on traveling into the mountains to visit our favorite town, Ouray, and stay at our favorite motel, the Wiesbaden, but we’d have to kennel our Saint Bernard, Fiona, and we didn’t feel like doing that on the spur of the moment.

Later that morning, our friend called and needed Dale’s help with some remodeling he was doing. Then Dale’s uncle called from Maybell (45 miles north of Meeker) and said if we were going to be around, he’d like to drive over and pick up the snowmobiles and jeep we wanted him to have. So, our day was pretty much shot from there on.

Sunday morning found us sitting on the sofa in our bathrobes and drinking coffee while looking at ideas on Pinterest. That website can get you into more trouble than anything else possibly can! All of a sudden, I had a wild idea! Let’s remodel the mudroom! It wouldn’t be too hard ~ we could make a screaming trip to Lowes (1.5 hours away), grab some items and start working on it. We still had 2 days left in the weekend! Brilliant!

On our way to Lowes located in Glenwood Springs, we decided to stop in and see our friends, the Gambas. We hadn’t visted them in a while and we knew they were bottling their Gamba Family Wine that weekend. We pulled up to their home, expecting a crowd of friends there to help them ~ we saw only a few cars, so we joined in to help finish bottling their 2014 Zinfandel and Barbera wine. I always like to help them – it’s the best job ever! Being Italian, the Gambas know how to put on a feed like no other. So, we bottled wine, drank wine, met new friends, touched base with old friends and ate like kings!

Five hours later we were back on the road to Glenwood. We hit Lowes fast and furiously, made our purchases, then beat it back home. The next morning, we got up, fixed breakfastthen proceeded to make a mess in our house.

Monday evening, we sat back and realized there was a reason for our indecisiveness regarding the long weekend. Obviously we weren’t meant to go on the type of an adventure that I had thought about. Our destiny pointed us in a different direction. Initially, I was disappointed that the weekend was going to be a bust, but thinking it over on Monday evening, I was contented with what all we had accomplished and who all we got to help. And I was okay with that, because every now and then it’s okay to not have an adventure ~ or maybe it was an adventure…

happy-presidents-day

Planning an Adventure is Half the Fun!

Earlier this year, my husband Dale, and I were hanging out in the front room, watching television and talking about the upcoming summer. We usually plan a few weekend trips and a couple of overnight hikes. He came up with the brilliant idea of going on a major backpacking trip this summer. By major, I mean, packing up everything you own to keep yourself alive for 5-6 days in the unforgiving Colorado wilderness, strapping it to your back and wandering down a trail to parts unknown.

A couple of summers ago, we backpacked three segments (42 miles) of the 28 segment, 500+ mile, Colorado Trail.

One life goal of mine has been to complete Colorado’s premier trail ~ not as a thru-hiker, but as a segment hiker. Many hikers complete the trail as thru-hikers in about a month to a month and a half. I have no desire to pound out the heavy mileage day after day, with my head down, my earbuds blasting trail music, not interacting with anyone for fear of being thrown off schedule. For me, work gets in the way of completing more than a few segments at a time. Plus, I really don’t think my body or my mind could handle more than six days on a trail at any given time.

When Dale brought up the CT hike, I jumped on it like a rat on a Cheeto! First of all, we have something fun to look forward to this summer and second, we get to plan for more segments on Colorado’s premier trail.

Which, in turn, means, we get to drag out all our CT books that are gathering dust so we can figure out which segments we are going to tackle.

Mileage is very important. We live hours from the trailheads and need to factor in our traveling time to and from the TH. Then we need to figure out who gets to drop us off and pick us up 5-6 days later.

**More highway travel time equals less time on the trail.

Note to self: Need to put in for vacation time… a lot of it….

Next, we plan how long we can be on the trail. One doesn’t just throw some gear in a pack and head down a trail. Many things need to be taken into consideration.

Given the terrain, how many miles per day can we hike? Where are the water sources? Where are the best campsites? Will there be a lot of exposure? Will we be susceptible to thunderstorms? Snow? What are the weather patterns looking like? When will the largest elevation gains and losses occur? Given the amount of snowpack, which month should we go? So many questions to be answered. Our guidebooks and maps will help to answer some of the questions. Our experience and intuition will help with the rest.

I get to plan the menu for each day and then start dehydrating food. I’ll pack our meals neatly into gallon size baggies with the order in which we eat it. Menu preparation takes a long time, but is very rewarding ~ our survival depends on it.

Lastly, I get to go through our hiking box and start separating out all our gear. That’s my favorite part. When I open the lid of our hiking box I swear I hear angels singing. I love to go through our gear, touching every piece like it’s the holy grail. We have gear for all types of weather ~ it’s Colorado. The weather patterns change every five minutes!

Better get out my notebook and start planning. I will fill my notebook with notes, menus and schedules. My eyes are glazing over and I’m already dreaming of our time on the trail…summer in Colorado is already starting to look good!

A Snowshoe Adventure in The Colorado Rockies

Wintertime in the Colorado Rockies can be long and miserable. Because of our endless winter, Coloradoans have long been known for their ability to play in the snow. We love our skiing, snowboarding and snowmobiling. But not all Coloradoans are created equal. I don’t ski or snowboard. Sacrilege!! I know, I know! I don’t snowmobile, either.

snowshoe

So how does one survive the Colorado winters without strapping boards to the bottoms of their feet and heading downhill at high rates of speed? They strap snowshoes on, that’s how. I love snowshoeing. It’s quiet. The equipment is minimal and inexpensive. There are no lift lines or expensive tickets to buy. You can create your own trail if you want to. It’s great exercise and virtually anyone can do it. You don’t need to be an expert to enjoy.

Our favorite trail takes us up to Marvine Campground which is located in the White River National Forest on the edge of the Flat Tops Wilderness in northwest Colorado. It’s a 45 minute drive from our home in Meeker. You park your vehicle at the trailhead, strap on your snowshoes and head on down the groomed portion of the county road that is not maintained during the winter. Easy peasy!

snowshoe3

It’s a beautiful hike ~ about a 5 mile round trip through amazing country. The hike is a gradual uphill climb to the campground. Along the way you might see rabbits, deer, elk and if you’re really lucky, a moose or two. Very rarely do we run into other skiers or snowshoers. If we do, they are friends we know from town as we live in an isolated area and know everyone who plays in these parts.

snowshoe2

The reward for your efforts is the way cool yurt at the end of the trail ~ Roy Wedding, his friends, and the White River Nordic Council set the yurt up every year. It’s a great place to snowshoe or ski into. Inside, there is a wood burning stove, chopped wood, propane gas burners, pots, chairs and tables. My family has enjoyed numerous excursions to the yurt ~ we have played cards, had lunches and have just plain hung out. Every now a then, the Nordic Council offers a moonlight ski/snowshoe to the yurt ~ we will have to make a point to enjoy that adventure next!

snowshoe4

http://flatwooders.com/2017/01/13/know-b4-u-go/

Check out my fellow Hike Like A Woman ambassador, Lorna, and her husband’s post about a unique way to serve venison ~ You can bet I’ll be trying this with elk!

VENISON FLATBREAD SANDWICH We love eating wild game. Our favorite meat, hands down, is venison. We have it ground, cut into fry meat, tenderloin steaks, stew meat, roasts and smoked links. It is the main staple for meat in our home. Tonight we used some of the back strap fry meat to make a gyro-styled […]

via FROM THE WOODS TO THE PLATE — FLATWOODERS

Goal Setting ~ Beware of Overload

Setting goals is easy ~ accomplishing them is the hard part. Too often we set ourselves up for failure by the high expectations we set for ourselves. The trick is to not not bite off more than you can chew. Sure, we all think we can accomplish anything we set our minds to. But, sometimes we fail and then we get ripped up about it. To avoid that rollercoaster ride of emotion, why don’t you just sit down and think about what you want to accomplish ~ think about your goals. Then walk away. Come back a few days later and revisit those goals. That always helps me to put my hair brained ideas into perspective. And you know what? It works!

goals

Here is what some of my fellow Hike Like A Woman ambassadors have to say about their goal setting for 2017.

http://hikelikeawoman.net/2017/01/the-truth-about-2017/

I’m always up for a challenge. I enjoy setting goals for myself, seeing them through and then bask in the glory of accomplishment. Who doesn’t, right? Validation is a wonderful drug. My goals are usually something short and simple, therefore, leaving less room for boredom which leads to failure. Until now…..

I just signed up for the 365 Mile Challenge set up by Rebecca Walsh, founder of Hike Like A Woman, and a few of her friends. The object of the challenge is to complete 365 self-propelled miles in 2017. It’s a great challenge that comes with an online community loaded with fun, exciting and enthusiastic members who encourage each other throughout the challenge. What more can you ask for? Oh, and did I mention, you are eligible to win cool prizes? There are no first place winners. There are no second place losers. You complete 365 miles, you are a winner! You come away from the challenge with the satisfaction of knowing you completed goals that you set for yourself.

According to my Fitbit, I earned the Great Barrier Reef Badge. That means I have completed 1600 miles since I’ve had my Fitbit (October 2015). So, I know I can do this, right? I mean, 365 miles in one year equates to one mile per day. I put on a couple miles every day at work and an additional few when I’m at home. So, 365 miles in one year is completely doable. And it’s a challenge that I’m not going outside of my comfort zone to achieve.

I need to complete this challenge. I need to do this for myself. Not for my husband. Not for my kids or grandchildren. But for myself. You see, in the past 3 years, I have become a lazy person. Three years ago, I was in good form both physically and mentally. Then I became complacent and lazy. As I struggle to get off the couch, I feel the need to jump start the new year with a challenge I know I can complete. This is all for me.

I will be taking you all along with me as I track my progress. There will be ups and downs. There will be tears and laughing. This will be real. No sugar coating here. So, come along for the ride ~ better yet, sign up for the challenge and let’s all do it together. Strength in numbers is what I say.

15675666_10154458330043192_3750615850276427427_o — Tracking sheet for #365MileChallenge ~ each circle represents one mile

By the way, to make it a bit more interesting and to take myself outside of my comfort zone to push myself further than the 365 miles, I’m going to up the challenge and double my mileage to 730 miles. Now there’s a challenge I can be afraid of…

I love backpacking and hiking gear. I am a gear head. Dale is a gear head. Psst! I actually think he’s worse than me! He loves to research the latest and greatest that technology and his pocketbook will allow. Anything to make our experience a more comfortable one! As a friend of mine always says,”Your trip is only as good as the gear you take”.

screenshot-2016-10-29-at-10-56-09-am

My gear enables me to enjoy the outdoors. I have a great backpack. It’s designed especially for women, saves my back and fits my hips like a glove. I have hiking poles with shock absorbers built into them to help save my knees. I have the latest and greatest in clothing to keep me cool, dry, warm and from getting sunburned. I have the best lightweight waterproof boots for my feet. My sleeping bag is down. My tent is waterproof and has LED lights built into it. All my gear is meant to make my trip the most enjoyable it can be, with the exception of one thing.

screenshot-2016-10-29-at-11-06-53-am

I’m a girl. And you know what that means? It means I’m not built like a boy. I can’t draw my name in the snow. It means when nature calls, I have to shed my gear, unzip my pants and squat in the woods. It means I have to be careful what spot I choose to be one with nature. Stinging Nettle or Poison Ivy can ruin a squat in the woods quicker than anything else. So can a hornet…

So with that thought in mind, the hunt was on for a device that would shorten my bathroom break, would keep me from having to shed gear to pull down my pants and would also eliminate the need to keep a sharp eye out for foliage or insects which might invade my privacy. A female urination device (FUD) to be exact ~ I’m uncomfortable with the word, “urination”. It sounds so vulgar. Just like the words, “pee”, “crap”, and “shit in the woods”. I can’t say them without scrunching my face like I just bit into a lemon. Now ask me to say, “poop’, “potty” and “tinkle”, and you’ve got my attention and I’m giggling like a junior high schooler. I compare those words like I would compare the stench of dead animals to rainbows. Guess how the word placement fits on that spectrum…

screenshot-2016-10-29-at-11-14-50-am

I scanned the internet. I cautiously shopped the isles of REI and Cabela’s, while keeping a watchful eye out for any salesperson who might ask me if I needed help. Is this what a guy feels like when he’s buying condoms for the very first time? Sweaty palms, heart pounding in your ears, dry mouth and expelling gibberish when asked if there’s anything you need? Yikes!! All I want to do is to be able to go potty in the woods without all the production.

gogirl4 Finally, I found something that looked cute, discreet and user friendly!
I even liked the name, “Go Girl”. Like, “you go girl ~ that’s right!” “That’s the way to do it ~ I’ll never let you down.” “I’ll be there for you
whenever you feel the urge ~ my new best friend in the woods!!” The reviews for the product sang praises for ease of use. Women from all over love this de
vice. This must be the one for me!

I read the packaging ~ wow! I can use this anywhere! This is glorious! The instructions said I should practice with it a few times to get the routine down. Psh… Practice? I don’t need no stinkin’ practice, I just wanta play the game! But, being the team player I am, I practiced. Or attempted to.

gogirl3 go-girl I thought I’d try it out in my backyard. You know, to mimic being in the wild outdoors. I stood in the middle of the yard with my pants down around my knees ~ I looked around and thought, “This is a bad idea”. What if a meter reader came through? What if my neighbor’s son just happened to be home and looked out his second story window that overlooks my back yard? What if my other neighbor came out and looked over the fence to say, “Hi” like he normally does? What if my husband came home in the middle of the day?

Then I had a fantastic idea! I’ll go upstairs into the shower and try it out! No muss, no fuss! I took my clothes off (like I would be totally naked in the woods, right?), got into the shower and tried to use the Go Girl ~ my best friend ~ the one thing that has my back (or front). I positioned it like it said in the instruction ~ Okay. Now I can’t go to the bathroom. Not a single drop came out. Really?? Okay. Let’s run some water. I turned the shower on, which only resulted in me getting wet. I repositioned the Go Girl and…. still nothing. Great. Now what? Drink lots of water! So I positioned my mouth under the shower head and proceeded to drink massive quantities of water, which only resulted in me getting full and totally drenched.

Why does this have to be so frickin’ hard? All I want is to be able to go to the bathroom in the woods without pulling down my pants. That’s not asking for much…. Well, apparently, it is. gogirl1

While I was thinking about what to do next, the urge hit me. Yes!! Here it comes!! Position that Go Girl and let it do it’s stuff! Wait, why is there no suction like there is supposed to be? I bent over, trying to see what went wrong. I fiddled with it a bit and just when I thought I had it right, the bodily fluid flowed. Right. Down. My. Leg. Yeah, you have a vision right now…. What in the hell?

I envisioned myself in the woods when nature calls, using the device, only to return from my potty break with wet pants. Seriously? Am I that technologically challenged that I cannot use this device?? Is my body not built for these things? It’s because I’m older and have squirted out two children and things are kind of saggy now, right? That’s it!! My body is old and run down, I can’t help it and the Go Girl can’t help me.

The Go Girl ended up in the trash and I still squat in the woods. And I’m good with that.

gogirl2

Unplug for just a minute or two…

Dale and I own a cabin in the woods. It takes us exactly one hour to drive from our home to the cabin’s front door. It sits on a few acres on a remote site nestled in the blue spruce and aspens adjacent to the White River National Forest.

465821_10151095294392398_784952110_o Our cabin in the woods

Dale’s family built it from a kit in 1971. It’s a 2 room cabin ~ no bathroom. It does have cold running water that is gravity flowed from a spring located up the hill from the cabin. The cabin was originally built as a hunting cabin. You know the kind ~ where good old boys sit around the table drinking beer and whiskey, telling stories of their latest encounters with elk, deer and bear. The kind of cabin where girls aren’t allowed to stay with the exception of when they come to clean up the mess left by the men who occupied it previously during hunting season. Summers up at the cabin were spent fixing holes in the fence where the elk had crashed through the winter before, or cleaning up the mouse droppings those nasty little rodents had left while tap-dancing all over the counters. It was work.

The ComodeDid I mention there are no bathrooms at the cabin? There is a little outhouse located about 20 yards down the hill from the cabin. It is insulated with dated pieces of gold, avocado green and blue carpet. Its decor consists of cobwebs, spiders, bugs and mice. It’s not an outhouse a girl would be comfortable in, but it serves the purpose. Making a trip to the outhouse in the middle of the night is every girl’s nightmare ~ grabbing a flashlight, I usually opt to hide behind at tree instead of making the trek to the hut. I always thing about bears waiting for me to make a midnight run. Every time I open the door, cobwebs hit my face and I end up slapping myself silly. When I sit down, I envision monsters living in the pit my bottom is hanging over.

Over the years the cabin has seen many visitors come and go. Everyone who visits is encouraged to sign the front door. It has become a journal of entries describing hunting wins and losses, snowpack depths, bbqs with friends and family, snowshoe trips, snowmobiling trips, hiking trips and even a couple of girls weekend with my gal pals. It has seen many loved ones come and go ~ there are entries on the door written by those who are not with us anymore. There are also short stories describing how our sons introduced their future spouses to our home away from home. There are now stories of our grandchildren’s visits.

220107_10151095327717398_90655805_o — The door that tells stories

Over the past few years, Dale and I have redecorated it from when his folks used to take care of it. The cabin has been passed down to us and is in our care. We have changed the look and have made it more family friendly. It’s been cleaned of all the junk that had attracted mice in the past. Because we’ve kept up on it, it is more user-friendly and a lot cleaner.

It’s now fun to go up to the cabin to get away from it all. There is a wood stove to cook on.

cabin-stove — Cooking on a wood stove is the best thing ever!

There is a stone fireplace built into the front porch to burn a few steaks on. Even though there is a small black and white tv up there (for watching Bronco games years ago), it’s not used ~ at least when I’m there. There is no cell service. No telephone line. No radio reception. It’s a glorious getaway where no one can find you.

pokerface Poker night with my peepsAnd because we remodeled the cabin to accommodate more visitors and activities, we added a new and improved bathroom system. Thank goodness for Cabela’s! I can now sit in luxury on the front porch and admire the scenery in style!! screenshot-2016-10-13-at-9-00-44-pm

The biggest plus about going to the cabin is the lack of cell service. We love going to the cabin to get away from it all. To unplug. To energize. To decompress. To recharge our batteries. We want to have so much fun that we forget all about email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. No cell service means we get to totally escape modern conveniences for a weekend.

cabin-fire — Enjoying the fire and a glass of wine in style

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend visited me for for a few days. She’s from Denver and we decided to spend the weekend at the cabin. We arrived and much to my horror, found out that there is now 3 bars of 3G network at the cabin!!! What in the hell is going on? The cabin is not longer a safe haven from all the technology that supposedly makes our lives easier. No longer are we able to escape the world for a weekend to reap the benefits of what nature has to offer us. Technology follows us in the form of a cell phone. My friend was on the phone constantly ~ messaging with those on the front range, checking email, checking facebook, talking to friends. I sat and enjoyed the fire I had built in the fireplace and sipped on a glass of wine while she basked in the glow of her cell phone.

Why do we feel the need to be connected to the outside world? I’m just as guilty as the next person. I enjoy sharing my adventures and taking my friends along on a virtual vacation with me. Why is it so hard to enjoy the moment, the beauty and the simplicity which we are lucky to experience for one weekend, without letting the complexity of our lives invade our little bubble?

cabindoor — Front porch grill getting ready for steaks

Because of the newly implemented cell service, I feel the cabin is no longer an “off the grid” place to escape to. Visitors now need to make a conscious effort to put down their phones and enjoy the benefits the cabin has to offer. And that’s too bad. I’m thinking of making a new rule when visiting the cabin:

ALL PHONES MUST BE PLACED ON AIRPLANE MODE

I hate rules….

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